WOW,

My kids share a room. I have fond memories of "bunking up" with my own siblings for slumber parties. We would stay up talking and giggling and having a grand old time. This would go on for awhile before my parents would come in and tell us it was time to go to bed. They allowed it until it was late and time to turn in. I don't remember how old we were though. My own children are still pretty young and therefore in the training stage where we are training to teach them that when they get in bed it is time to go to sleep.

My question is, do I let them play and talk to each other for a little bit before going to sleep as long as they are staying in their beds? Should I not let them talk at all? How much is too much and when do I cut it off?

Thanks,
Mother of the Party Animals

To the Mother of the Party Animals:

    Our children had to share a room from the time they were 2, 4, 6 and 7, until they were in high school, except for our daughter, who finally got her own room. Yes, there were many warnings from us, “kids go to sleep!” and often they did not get quite until they heard their dad’s foot hit the floor! 
    I believe making a rule allowing them time to talk, while staying in their beds (never rowdy) then they MUST go to sleep! Often it helps to remind the children “why” they need sleep. (promotes good health, rested for the next days activities, trips, Christmas, etc.) If it’s extremely late when they get to bed I would say “no talking at all” would be a “given”. I think after you have read them a story, prayed with them and kissed them goodnight, it would be all right for them to have 10 minutes talking time. Set a timer to “ding” when talking time is over. (A kitchen timer would be perfect!) Have you ever thought of quite music (no words) playing in their room while they go to sleep, it works for a lot of moms. 
    Today, my boys (who eventually shared there room with a 4th person -- a “beloved uncle”) laugh and tell things they did after lights out and remind their “uncle” of his part in their escapades.

GG

 

Hi mother of the party animals,

I think I would put the party people down a little earlier – allowing for some unwind time before the time you would want them to be getting to sleep.
To put them down and expect no giggles etc would be pretty tough.
I would let them know that a few minutes of talk time is ok but that when you come in to say time for sleep you mean business and no more cutting up will be allowed. Maybe even have a name for this time “kid talk”, “unwind time”, something they can remember and can become part of their bedtime routine. Make sure they know once this time is done you mean business for sleep, then stick to the plan and stand outside the door if necessary so you catch it as soon as they begin to talk, giggle etc. It will be better to nip it right away than to walk away and let them get going before you catch it.

They will make fun memories with those few minutes of unwinding and it won’t be the near impossible task as saying NO TALKING OR GIGGLES, but stay in charge and stick to the plan. Be ready to enforce a means of discipline for not settling down and going to sleep.

Lorie

 

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WOW moms,

I have a three year old who is very sweet, pretty sociable, and a ton of fun to be around. However he has these moments where he becomes completely insecure and therefor an emotional wreck. For instance today. We were leaving a restaurant with a group of friends. My son really likes one of the older girls that was with us. (she is 12, very responsible, dotes on and helps keep an eye on my children whenever she is around us) So Gabriella tried to take my sons hand to walk out with him in order to relieve me to take care of some of my other kids. And my son just lost it. He wanted to walk with me and not Gabriella and he cried, and cried (not really throwing a fit about it just very sad and upset by it.) He was still upset several minutes later after he had been buckled into the car and everything. Earlier one of the other children was trying to play with him. They had all been playing so nicely together and suddenly my son comes towards me crying pretty hard because one of the other kids was playfully barking at him and he did not like it. I know he is just a little kid, only 3 years old. I know he is going to be a mama's boy at times and want only me. I know sometimes kids get scared. But anytime we are around other kids close to his age he is the one that is usually doing most of the crying. He seems to get scared by those sorts of things more easily and often than the other kids... I don't know what to do about it. Do I give him more attention for it? Less attention? Is this a discipline issue or simply normal? At times it is hard to do what I need to do for having to stop and deal with what he is upset over. Am I expected too much from him?

Thanks, Sad Son, Curious Mother

Sad Son, Curious Mother,

The first thing I would like to know is his birth order? Children who are middle children often act this way. They seem to have a greater need for reassurance as to love and acceptance. God put a lot of intuition in us moms and we can usually spot a cry of “rebellion” or a needy cry. I think you have already determined that he needs reassurance. For some reason boys are more attached to their moms and are more insecure...I had three sons and one of those three was extremely fearful (insecure) of the smallest events. If I went to the store and left him home with his dad and the other children, he would stand at the door and cry. This happened often, Not because he wanted to go (he did not), but always he anxiously asked me “are you going to come back?” It continued for years! I have tried to look back on “what” triggered this extreme fear at such a young age (two and above) and I think I know now. I wish I had that knowledge (the why) as a young mom and I would have handled it wiser (with less frustration). I would spend extra “one on one” quality time with him for a few minutes each day when the other children are busy or napping—just put him down five minutes later. I know that sounds impossible with three children, but perhaps you can find a small space to do this.  Cuddle him, talk to him and ask “why.” He may not be able to tell you, but you will not have wasted your time. I would also make sure for a while that you let others help you with the other children and you hold his hand. Just the little extra touches to reassure him. He will outgrow this as he becomes more secure and independent.

Shirley

 

 

Sad Son, Curious Mother,

I think, as moms there are a couple of questions we have to ask ourselves when we face something like this with one of our kids.

1. Why is the child behaving this way, maybe out of fear or insecurity?

2. Is this behavior we are willing to let become a life pattern in the child?

One of my daughters used to behave similarly when someone other than her dad and myself would pick her up. She would come unglued. If the person picking her up put her down, and then my daughter would know that the next time she was picked up by someone other than us all she had to do was cry and they would put her down. This was in a sense teaching her to cry and become hysterical at times therefore getting her desired result – to be given back to her dador myself, establishing a life pattern that would eventually have to be dealt with.One day my husband refused to let the poor unsuspecting person who picked my daughter up put her down even though she began to cry uncontrollably. When my daughter saw the tears didn’t get the desired result she stopped crying. After a few times of people holding her in spite of her protest she began to get the picture and enjoy the attention from an admirer.I would not give into your sons crying and becoming upset, but I would stop and talk to him; try to get to the bottom of his distress. Is he afraid you might leave him with this person (even though he is fond of her, he doesn’t want you to leave him). See if you can get him to tell you what his concern is.  Talk to him about the situation explaining that Gabriella just wants to help and be his friend, or the barking boy is just playing and wants your son to join in with him. If there is an older sibling let Gabriella walk with them also allowing your son see that his sibling is enjoying the older child's attention, making it more appealing to your son.But I would caution you to not totally disregard your child’s protest. If someone makes them feel uncomfortable (in a bad or scary way) you certainly don't want them to feel like they can’t express that to you. For instance when my children didn’t feel comfortable with the babysitter, we didn’t ignore that, their uncomfortable feelings may be a warning we don’t want to ignore.Obviously the object with your son is for him to be able to interact with others, play, and have fun while maintaining a level of security.

Lorie